Tuesday, January 7, 2014

New Year's Resolution #2: Sweet Honesty

Okay, so it's time to get really honest. I can be a shy person. Most of my friends probably wouldn't describe me that way. I'm closer to the extrovert side of the scale than introvert (although since marrying a classic introvert I've gained some more introverted tendencies over the years, which I'm totally fine with and actually like). But back to why my friends find me outgoing...like a lot of people, when I know you, I'm all there. I'm present, I'll say what I think and be my silly/deep/talkative/ and transparent self.  I'm the person that will make friends anywhere I go and have no concerns talking to strangers. I am still in touch with a friend I made in the restroom at a concert in Pasadena three years ago! So yeah, I'm outgoing. (Detour:: plug for her amazing new product - ringcozy! I have one. Go get one! Put a ring cozy on it.)

However, there's this piece of me that hesitates in certain areas. Let's call it what it is was:  insecurity. And I emphasize was, because I have resolved to rid myself of insecurity this year. It's funny, because just until recently I wouldn't have even described myself as an insecure person. I don't think even my husband (who knows me better than anyone) has ever described me that way, because we do acknowledge each others struggles in an iron-sharpening-iron sort of way. It actually took a series of things for me to come to a place just the other day where I actually wrote it down and called this thing - this hesitation I've allowed in my life for so long - by it's real name:  i n s e c u r i t y.

And I'm excited about that! When you can acknowledge something for what it is, things that you need to rid yourself of in your life, then you can truly deal with them. So this isn't even a "resolution" as most would define it, it's a decision.

First, how did I come to name this thing in the first place?  In a recent sermon, our pastor asked everyone to physically write down something (or things) we wanted to get rid of in our lives and then nail these pieces of paper to the cross. The reason is to put into action something you are choosing for your life spiritually. It's a very powerful thing to physically hand over a struggle to Christ. He takes on our struggles on the cross. He asks us to do this in his Word. So when you align with that, things change!

I know this because I've done this spiritual exercise before (which I'll share with you another time soon, now that I'm banishing insecurity from my life and all...but that's for another day!).

This time around, I found myself shocked at what I wrote down. Among other things I knew I needed to give up, when I wrote down the word insecurity it surprised me because, as I mentioned, I wouldn't have defined myself that way. And I'm not now. I'm calling out this thing, the thing that held me back in some ways - whether with people I knew or didn't know, with choices I made, with choices I didn't make, with fear of judgement, concern of what this or that makes me look like or seem like or...you get it. I'm someone who has a deep sense of privacy. That has always been my excuse. I am a private person, and that's fine. I remain to be, in ways. But that doesn't have to hinder my outgoing side that is real and good either.

What's my second resolution of 2014? 

Resolution #2:  I decide to be my sweet and honest self. You might not like it, but that's for you to choose. And I'm okay with that! I have a God who loves me, who will rid my mind and heart of insecurity because insecurity is a lie designed to make us feel bad and hold us back - from people, from choices, from life.

So here I am putting insecurity aside. Writing this post. Blogging this blog.  If you happen to read it, I pray it inspires you. And I hope you, as always, Enjoy!

What are you getting rid of this year? What have you decided? 

Check out resolutions #1#3 (part 1) and #3 (part 2).

No comments:

Post a Comment